So a friend of mine is now dating this chick...
We'll call her Karma...
Because it is close enough to her name and still has that aire of plausible deniability.
Karma is young, short, thin and blonde. She also comes equipped with enough personality to fill up her space and can fill in the gaps where there is a vacuum. In the classic 1-10 HB scale I would rate her about a 6 and on the soon-to-be infamous 4-10 crazy scale she might be a 4-6. All in all she seems like a sweet girl.
So this friend of mine who is a Man of God is now dating Karma and they are attending church together. In fact, they have attended her church twice to date. Mind you, this is not a valid sample or indicative of a long term trend. They have been dating 3 weeks or so.
But I had this nagging feeling. This feeling like she was setting the frame. On the first week they attended her church. No big deal. The morning of the 2nd week I text my friend to confirm which church he was attending that morning. Lo and behold. Independently both I and his brother decided that we were going to join him for service at her church. This served many purposes for either of us, but most importantly it served my friend, that is to say, it was in service of him. A man being thrust into the heart of a woman's sphere of influence with only his wits and grit is at a severe disadvantage for creating personal status and setting the frame. This is one of the greatest responsibilities that Men within your Gens is tasked with. Helping you set and control your frame with "them". The men in your Gens are your "us" in the classic "Us vs. Them". As men we ought to only allow others to come into our "us", we should never allow ourselves to come into their "them" Think of this like the movie 300.
Long story short. If you think one of your own is in danger of falling into someone else's frame, give them a rock to stand on.
Even if it means you have to come in hot and steal the thunder.