On Failures:

    I hate failing. I have never been anyone else so it is difficult to say that I hate it more than the next guy, but I hate it a lot. I am a man who makes it a point to be keenly aware of my limitations in any given context. I also hate my limitations and actively pursue expanding them whenever possible.

There is a thing called the 1,000 lbs club. It is a combination of 1 rep maxes of squat, deadlift and bench press.

The goal was thus:

275 bench
435 deadlift
290 squat

I hit a 255 bench, and failed on my 275 attempt
I failed my 435 deadlift and then failed again on my 415
I didn't even bother with my squat attempt.

I went in without specifically training for this, as I haven't been strength training for the last 2 months. The lesson? Lack of preparation will only lead to failure.

These failures, which are small, will only lead me closer to what Nassim Nicholas Taleb calls "Antifragility"

I own it

     I own every thing that I do. I own every sin I have ever committed. I was there and I actively chose to not resist it.

     I saw my pastor tell a tale of how his wife caught him looking at porn. He looked defeated on stage, and a part of me wanted to call bullshit. Not that he wasn't caught, but that he was defeated. This man is a strong alpha type man, and rather that stand and own it, he seemed to have lost his frame. He caved into the hurt of his wife and agreed that he lost her trust. This rings false to me.

     I was there for every wrong choice I've made, and I've built a foundation on my failures. They define where I've been, not where I'm going. This is how I will be different, not in arrogance (though I'm sure that's been said before) but in singularity.

   The one thing I cannot stand within the culture of "the church" is the lack of responsibility. Men in the church act more like victims of sin instead of warriors against it. Every vice is an "addiction" which, once bought into, becomes a soft cop-out.

Own your shit. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly alike.

Now, move forward.